Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
