That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
handjob tips. give me some.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
