I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
