i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
