she woke up with a sticky ear
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
