everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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