I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm too high and old for this...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
