not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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