drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
