You just made me feel so damn special
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
