Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
