guys are not supposed to queef...right?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
