come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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