Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
