just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
