never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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