i would punch a child for taco bell
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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