When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
