Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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