whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
