remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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