Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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