Whod you bang
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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