I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
