the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
