If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
