i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
