Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
