CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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