Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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