It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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