dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
