I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
