there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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