I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
