P.S. I can't hear my feet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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