What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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