It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
