I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
