fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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