i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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