If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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