I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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