Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
