THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
