the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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