I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
