Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
