Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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