you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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