yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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