Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My vagina is very pro this idea
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
