she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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