is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
