We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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