I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
