Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
