I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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