3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize