Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
