please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
