I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
