that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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