Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
