You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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