god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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