he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
