Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
