I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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