I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I checked into jail on foursquare
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
