Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
